The Two Comfort Zones
Comfort zones are a big deal—both for individuals and couples. They can either hold you back or set you on the path to growth, depending on how you manage them. In our work with individual clients and couples in our Premarital Counseling program, we see two main types of comfort zones. Understanding them can help you not only grow as a person but also strengthen your relationship.
Comfort Zone Type A: The Rut
As individuals or couples, you might find yourself in a place where everything feels safe and familiar. You’ve settled into a routine, and while it’s comfortable, it’s not exactly fulfilling. This is the classic rut—a comfort zone that keeps you resisting change even when deep down you know change is needed.
For couples, this can look like:
Having the same arguments without resolving them.
Falling into predictable routines that lack excitement or growth.
Avoiding tough conversations because they might “rock the boat.”
You might think:
“Why fix something that isn’t broken?”
“It’s easier to just keep things the way they are.”
But here’s the thing: a rut in a relationship can lead to stagnation. Without stepping out of this comfort zone, couples risk drifting apart or missing opportunities to grow closer.
To break free, start small. Have that overdue conversation, try something new together, or tackle a shared goal you’ve been avoiding. Growth in a relationship happens when both partners are willing to embrace a little discomfort for the sake of something better.
Comfort Zone Type B: Authentic Alignment
On the flip side, Comfort Zone Type B is where individuals and couples find alignment with their values and goals. This comfort zone isn’t about resisting change—it’s about living in a way that feels authentic.
For couples, this might mean:
Setting shared priorities that reflect both partners’ values.
Being intentional about how you spend your time and energy together.
Saying no to pressures from family, friends, or society that don’t align with your relationship goals.
Living in Type B means you’re making decisions that feel right for you as a couple. Maybe you’ve chosen a non-traditional wedding or decided to spend less time with toxic family members to protect your relationship. The challenge here? Others might not always understand or agree with your choices.
When faced with external pressures, remember: no one knows your relationship better than you do. Trust the thoughtful decisions you’ve made together and be willing to push back when others try to pull you away from what works for your partnership.
Breaking Free vs. Standing Firm
Here’s how to approach these comfort zones as a couple:
If you’re stuck in Type A, it’s time to take action. Look at areas of your relationship where things feel stale or unresolved. What’s one small step you can take together to break free from the rut? It could be as simple as trying a new hobby, having a deep conversation, or revisiting your shared goals.
If you’re living in Type B, stand firm in your decisions. If you’ve aligned your relationship with your values and goals, don’t let others steer you off course. Support each other in defending the life you’ve chosen together, even when outside pressures try to intrude.
Do You Recognize These Comfort Zones in Your Relationship?
Take a moment to reflect:
Are you and your partner stuck in a rut, avoiding change because it feels easier to stay put?
Or are you aligned with your values but feeling pressure from others to conform to their expectations?
Recognizing where you are is the first step. Breaking free from Type A requires courage and collaboration, while living confidently in Type B requires trust—in yourselves and each other.
Wherever you find yourselves, remember that growth in a relationship happens when you work together to step out of stagnation or stand strong in your authenticity.
So, what comfort zone are you and your partner in right now? And how can you take your next step—together?