Relationship Nurturing Part 1 – Being Love Language Bilingual

Gary Chapman’s groundbreaking book The 5 Love Languages teaches us to recognize how we experience love through words and actions, calling that outward display of love our “love language.” For those that have taken the test, which includes nearly all of the couples that have gone through our Premarital Counseling program, you know exactly what I’m talking about. For anyone that has not read the book nor taken the free online Love Language test, I highly recommend it.

However, while it seems like the majority of people to whom I talk know what their own love language is, and may even know their partner’s love language, they may not be “understanding” when the other person is speaking in their own love language. They’re not love language “bilingual.” Let me give a personal example:

My primary love language is “words of affirmation”. It makes me feel valued and loved when my husband, Robert, tells me how much he enjoys my sense of humor.

Robert’s primary love language is “acts of service.” Though that isn’t my primary love language, when he brings me a cup of coffee in the morning, I am able to “translate” that action so that I can recognize it as an act of love. He’s speaking to me in his love language.

Conversely, because “words of affirmation” is not Robert’s primary love language, I know it takes a lot of effort on his part to “speak” that language to me. He’s still learning and making the effort, sometimes using the wrong “conjugation” or “mispronouncing the words.” But that just makes me feel all the more loved because I know he’s making the effort to become fluent in my love language.

When a couple speaks the same primary love language, it’s easy to understand when love is being shown. But if you, like most of us, are in a “bilingual” love language relationship, we must learn to “translate” the other person’s love language to understand and appreciate when they are showing love.

How fluent are you in your partner’s love language?