Communication Skills Part 5 – The Trouble with Texts
Communication by text has supplanted most other means of near-real-time distanced communication. Along with that comes a surplus of miscommunication and misinterpretations for many of the couples we see in our Premarital Counseling program. Between incorrect autocorrect, good old-fashioned typos, lack of punctuation, and the limitations of the written word, many communication foibles originate from this medium.
When talking face-to-face, our non-verbal cues play a large part in leading our conversation, with our brains taking only milliseconds to recognize and correct when our words are having the wrong effect on the other person. That benefit is completely missed in text communications.
Here’s a list of things to consider when dialoging by text, and especially before responding harshly to what you believe to be a slight, dig, or hurtful comment from the other person:
Autocorrect and typos: It would be “appalling” if you actually meant “appealing”
Dictation function: To a machine (cell phone), “love” and “loath” sound very similar
ALL CAPS: This ALWAYS comes across as shouting!
Lack of punctuation: “Let’s eat, kids!” means something completely different than “Let’s eat kids”
Timing (part 1): Are you replying to the last bubble, or two bubbles back? Better be quick!
Timing (part 2): No reply within one hour certainly means the other person is angry or offended. It couldn’t possibly mean their battery died, they have no service, are in a meeting, or fell asleep.
So, how do we improve text communications besides avoiding this list of potential traps? Here are some additional guidelines:
If it’s important or serious, call if it’s urgent, or wait until you’re face-to-face if it’s not urgent.
In the absence of non-verbal cues, emoticons help ensure your demeanor and emotional state are communicated along with your words. But, choose your emoticons wisely; that brown emoticon is not a happy scoop of chocolate ice cream!
Consider your audience. Not everyone knows the abbreviations and text jargon (as in “rn” meaning “right now”).
Keep texts as short as possible. A long text is more likely to contain a miscommunication, and is less likely to be read in full, causing communication gaps.
If another person’s message comes across harsh and seemingly out of character for that person, your first assumption should be that a miscommunication happened. Don’t immediately reply with a rage text. Additionally, we are imperfect creatures and we sometimes misread messages. Carefully read the message a second time before responding.
How effective are your text communications?