Communication Skills Part 1 - Assumptions and Interpretations

You walk into the kitchen and find your partner with red, tearful eyes. You begin to ask them what’s wrong, wondering what you might have done to upset them so much. Then the smell of onions hits your nose.

Interpretation: A person with red, tearful eyes is upset.

Assumption: When my partner is upset, it’s usually something I did. So, certainly that’s why they are upset now.

The problem of assumptions and interpretations is one of the core foundations of our Premarital Counseling program. The danger of assumptions, such as the one depicted above, is that circumstances are generally unique and singular, having no connection to past events. That is, every single time the partner is upset, there’s a possibility that it has nothing to do with the other person.

When it comes to interpretations, it is natural to draw conclusions from the things that we observe. But always bear in mind that we interpret events after they are filtered by our own past personal experiences, which may not represent the reality of the moment. A person with red, tearful eyes certainly must be upset…unless they’re chopping onions.

Non-verbal communication impacts us every day. But, if you can combine awareness of these forces with effective verbal communication skills, the potential harm that assumptions and interpretations have on your relationship can be mitigated.

How will assumptions affect your next communication? How are interpretations leading you to misunderstandings?