Assumptions and Interpretations
Are Assumptions and Interpretations Hurting Your Relationship?
Picture this: You walk into the kitchen and see your partner standing at the counter, red-eyed and tearful. Your heart sinks, and your mind races. What did I do? Are they mad at me?
Before you can ask, the sharp smell of onions hits your nose. They’re not upset—they’re just chopping onions for dinner.
How Assumptions Take Over
It’s so easy to jump to conclusions, especially in close relationships. In this case:
What you observed: Red, tearful eyes.
Your interpretation: They must be upset.
Your assumption: It’s something I did, just like that other time.
This kind of mental leap happens all the time, but it’s rarely helpful. Why? Because it’s based on past experiences and fears, not on the reality of the moment.
Why Assumptions Are a Problem
Assumptions can cause unnecessary conflict in relationships. When we assume, we stop asking questions and start jumping to conclusions, often creating misunderstandings that didn’t need to exist.
In the kitchen scenario, if you go straight to, “What’s wrong? Why are you mad at me?” you’re putting your partner on the defensive. They’re left feeling confused, and you’re worked up over something that wasn’t even an issue.
The Role of Interpretation
It’s natural to try to make sense of what we observe. Our brains are wired to interpret the world around us quickly, based on past experiences. But those interpretations can be way off the mark.
Think about the kitchen example:
Your brain saw tearful eyes and automatically linked it to sadness or anger, because that’s what you’ve experienced before.
The reality? Onions.
This disconnect is why it’s so important to pause and gather more information before reacting.
Non-Verbal Communication: A Double-Edged Sword
Non-verbal cues—like body language, facial expressions, and tone—are powerful. They can tell us a lot about how someone is feeling, but they’re also easy to misinterpret. A furrowed brow might mean your partner is upset with you… or it might mean they’re concentrating hard on their Wordle puzzle.
When you combine non-verbal signals with assumptions and faulty interpretations, it’s a recipe for misunderstanding.
How to Stop Assumptions From Taking Over
The good news? You don’t have to let assumptions and misinterpretations drive your relationship dynamics. Here are a few ways to stay grounded:
Pause Before Reacting
Take a moment to assess the situation before jumping to conclusions. What else could explain what you’re seeing or hearing?Ask, Don’t Assume
Instead of assuming your partner is upset with you, ask open-ended questions like, “Hey, are you okay?” or “What’s going on?” This gives them the chance to clarify.Separate Observations From Feelings
What you observe (tearful eyes) doesn’t automatically mean something negative about you. Remind yourself that there could be other explanations.Communicate Clearly
Pair your observations with curiosity instead of blame. For example:Instead of: “Why are you mad at me?”
Try: “I noticed you seem upset—want to talk about it?”
Reflect on Your Past Triggers
If you often assume the worst, think about where that reaction might be coming from. Are you carrying baggage from past experiences that doesn’t apply to the current situation?
Turn Misinterpretations Into Understanding
Assumptions and misinterpretations are bound to happen—they’re part of being human. But when you bring awareness to these tendencies and practice better communication, you can avoid unnecessary conflict and build a stronger connection with your partner.
So, the next time you catch yourself jumping to conclusions, take a breath and ask yourself:
Am I assuming something without proof?
Could there be another explanation?
How might pausing and asking questions change your next conversation? Try it out and see the difference it makes!
Learn more communication skills in our Premarital Counseling program.