Are you the hero or the victim in your story?
From Victim to Victor: Shifting Your Mindset in Life and Relationships
How often do you catch yourself thinking things like:
“I just have the worst luck.”
“I’ll never get it right.”
“Nobody ever gives me a chance.”
It’s easy to feel like the victim of circumstances, whether it’s in the outside world or within the walls of your own home. You might interpret setbacks as proof that nothing ever works out for you or that you’re destined to fail. When we think this way, we fall into a pattern of self-defeat—a vicious cycle where we stop believing in our own abilities and start blaming everything and everyone around us.
But what if the way you perceive your circumstances could change everything? What if it’s not about luck or fate but about awareness and choices?
The Two Energies That Shape Your Life
At the core of how we experience life, there are two types of energy at play:
Catabolic Energy
Draining and destructive
Fuels stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline
Makes you see the world through a dark lens where problems feel unsolvable
Leaves you feeling like a passive passenger in life
Anabolic Energy
Constructive and empowering
Releases feel-good hormones like endorphins
Encourages creativity, problem-solving, and optimism
Helps you see opportunities instead of roadblocks
When you’re stuck in catabolic energy, it’s hard to see a way forward. But shifting to anabolic energy can open your mind to new possibilities, whether you’re tackling personal goals or navigating challenges with your partner.
How Your "Lens" is Formed
We all come into this world with a blank slate, but the way we see life is shaped by our unique experiences:
The family we’re born into
The culture and values we grow up with
Our teachers, friends, and mentors
Life events, both good and bad
These experiences color the "lens" through which we view the world, influencing whether we lean more toward catabolic or anabolic energy. For instance, if you grew up in an environment where mistakes were harshly criticized, you might default to seeing failure as permanent and personal. That’s catabolic energy at work, making it hard to believe in second chances or growth.
The good news? While you can’t control the lens you were given as a child, you can choose to reshape it as an adult.
The Role of Awareness
The key to breaking free from a victim mentality is awareness. Think of awareness as the ability to pause, reflect, and choose how to respond to life’s challenges.
Let’s say you and your partner have an argument. If you’re stuck in catabolic energy, you might immediately think: “They don’t care about me. Why do I even bother?” This response drains your energy and escalates the conflict.
But with awareness, you can stop yourself and ask: “What’s really going on here? How can I approach this in a way that moves us forward?” That shift in mindset—toward anabolic energy—opens the door to productive communication and solutions.
Applying This Shift to Your Relationship
The energy you bring to your relationship matters. If both partners operate from a place of catabolic energy, it’s easy for stress and negativity to take over. But when you focus on cultivating anabolic energy, you can:
See challenges as opportunities to grow together.
Approach disagreements with curiosity instead of blame.
Build a partnership based on optimism, creativity, and collaboration.
For example, instead of assuming your partner is deliberately ignoring your needs, you might choose to view their actions through an anabolic lens: “Maybe they’re stressed or distracted. How can we address this together?”
Ready to Shift From Victim to Victor?
The way you experience life—and your relationship—starts with your mindset. You can’t control every situation, but you can control how you respond. By raising your awareness and choosing anabolic energy over catabolic energy, you can break free from the cycle of stress and self-defeat.
Ask yourself:
How am I interpreting this situation?
Am I reacting out of habit, or am I pausing to choose my response?
How can I show up in a way that builds solutions instead of barriers?
Shifting your energy isn’t always easy, but it’s worth the effort. Start small, stay consistent, and watch how your mindset—and your relationship—begins to transform. So, are you ready to move from victim to victor?
Learn more in our Premarital Counseling program.