Conditional Happiness
Stop Waiting for "Someday": Finding Happiness in the Here and Now
We’ve all said it—or at least thought it:
“I’ll be happy when I finally get a better job.”
“I would be happy if we could afford a bigger house.”
“I’ll feel happy when I lose weight.”
“I’ll be happy once the stress of the wedding is over.”
It’s easy to fall into the trap of tying our happiness to future milestones or changes. But when we do that, we’re putting happiness on hold, letting external circumstances dictate how we feel.
For couples, this mindset can creep into the relationship, too:
“We’ll be happy once we pay off the wedding debt.”
“Our relationship will feel better when we move into a bigger place.”
“We’ll be closer once we start a family.”
The problem? Conditional happiness keeps pushing the finish line farther and farther away. You’re always waiting for “someday,” but someday never comes.
Why Conditional Happiness Can Hurt Your Relationship
When you tie happiness to a specific event or achievement, you’re not just limiting your own joy—you’re also creating unnecessary pressure on your relationship. Your partner might feel like they have to help “fix” everything to make you happy, or they might start waiting for their own conditions to change before they feel satisfied.
This mindset can lead to disappointment and frustration, especially if life doesn’t go as planned. Even when you do reach a milestone, new conditions will pop up:
“We’ll be happier once we get that promotion.”
“Things will be better once we save for a bigger house.”
“We’ll feel more connected once the kids are older.”
Waiting for happiness instead of finding it in the present can leave both of you feeling like you’re falling short, when in reality, you may already have so much to celebrate together.
Balancing Shared Goals With Living in the Present
Having shared goals as a couple is essential—it gives your relationship direction, purpose, and something to work toward together. Goals can bond you as a team, whether it’s saving for a vacation, planning for a family, or tackling a home renovation.
But it’s equally important not to let those goals become the only source of your happiness. The key is balance:
Appreciate the Journey, Not Just the Destination
Instead of saying, “We’ll be happy when we save enough for our dream house,” try reframing it to:“We’re happy because we’re working toward a shared goal together.”
“I’m proud of how we’re budgeting and saving as a team.”
Celebrate Small Wins
Big goals take time, but there are plenty of milestones to celebrate along the way. Did you meet your savings goal this month? Plan a date night to toast your progress. Working together toward a shared goal can be just as meaningful as achieving it.Stay Present in Your Daily Life
Goals are important, but so are the little moments: laughing over dinner, cuddling on the couch, or tackling a project together. Don’t let the future overshadow the present.
How to Cultivate Happiness Right Now
Shifting your mindset to present-moment happiness doesn’t mean abandoning your goals—it means finding joy in the process and in the life you’re already building together.
Instead of focusing on what you don’t have yet, ask yourself: What do I appreciate about today?
“I’m happy because we’re building a life together, one step at a time.”
“I’m happy because we have a roof over our heads and a plan for the future.”
“I’m happy because we make time for each other, even during busy weeks.”
For couples, this shift in perspective can bring you closer. When you’re grateful for the present, you’re not just boosting your own well-being—you’re also creating a positive environment where your relationship can thrive.
Intentional Happiness Is a Gift to Yourself and Your Partner
Choosing happiness in the present isn’t always easy, especially when you’re juggling stressors or striving for big goals. But it’s worth it. When you focus on the good things already in your life, you’re not just boosting your own well-being—you’re also bringing positivity and gratitude into your relationship.
So instead of thinking, “I’ll be happy when…” ask yourself, “What can I appreciate about today?” You might be surprised at how much joy is already within reach.
Your life—and your relationship—are happening right now. Don’t let conditional happiness rob you of the chance to enjoy them fully.
Learn more in our Premarital Counseling program.