Busting the Myth that “All couples fight”

We hear this statement on a regular basis: “all couples fight.” But, what is a “fight?” We have posed this question to dozens of couples, and almost unanimously they correlate fighting with yelling. However, while all couples have disagreements, there are some couples that never resort to yelling.

When we talk about disagreements, conflicts, and fights, we're really delving into the different levels of how we clash in our day-to-day interactions. Each term ramps up in intensity and has its own nuances. Let's break them down in a more relatable way:

Disagreement

Think of a disagreement as the most chilled-out version of a clash. It's basically when you and your partner don't see eye to eye on something—maybe it's about whether pineapple belongs on pizza or which movie to watch. It's all very calm and collected. You each share your points of view, listen to each other, and either find common ground or agree to disagree without any hard feelings.

Conflict

When disagreements start to touch on deeper issues—like clashing values, needs, or big life choices—or take too long to resolve, we're moving into conflict territory. Conflicts are trickier and can get a bit heated. Emotions start to run high, and there's a real push from both sides to get their point across or to have their needs met, sometimes stepping on the other's toes in the process. Resolving conflicts often needs more than just a casual chat. It might require sitting down, really digging into the issues, and finding a compromise that respects both sides.

Fight

A fight is when things have really escalated. This isn't just about disagreeing or feeling frustrated—it's when interactions turn sour, voices might get raised, and things can get said that are meant to sting. In the worst cases, it can even become physical. Fights happen when emotions completely take over, and the desire to "win" overtakes the desire to resolve the issue constructively. Fights can leave scars in relationships that take time to heal, if they heal at all.

Understanding the differences between these can help you and your partner handle them better. Whether it’s a mild disagreement or a full-blown fight, knowing what you’re dealing with can help you find the best way to clear the air and move forward, ideally in a way that strengthens relationships rather than harming them.

Going further, mastering new and more effective communication techniques can significantly help prevent disagreements from escalating. By enhancing how we express ourselves and listen to others, we can often resolve issues while they're still minor.

Out Premarital Counseling and Newlywed Coaching programs help couples learn the art of navigating disagreements in productive ways, keeping them just that…disagreements.