One of the areas we focus on in our Premarital Counseling and Newlywed Coaching programs is intimacy. The word intimacy is often associated exclusively with sex, but intimacy, and even sex, is broader than sexual intercourse. Most people will agree that a passionate kiss is a sexual act, and when done between two people that care for each other, it is an expression of intimacy. Even a whisper in the ear can be very intimate.

When marriages lose steam after several years, it has more to do with a loss of intimacy than it does a loss of sexual drive, and a kiss can become just a kiss. If the equipment is still working properly from a physical perspective, a couple can certainly still be having sex on a regular basis after twenty years or more, but it will not be as enjoyable if the intimacy is gone.

Intimacy doesn’t just happen; like many things in marriage, it must be done with conscious effort. That is, you can’t just take time for intimate moments; you must make time for them. Regular “dates”, cooking together, shared goals and priorities, going for a walk while holding hands, shared hobbies, and taking time to remember why you are together are all expressions of intimacy.

What are your intimate moments?

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