In the complex world of romantic relationships, couples can often be categorized as either advocates for each other or adversaries. Working with couples in our Premarital Counseling program, we have observed how these distinct dynamics define the way couples interact, communicate, and support one another. Advocates collaborate, uplift, and empower each other, while adversaries may find themselves in a constant state of opposition and conflict. Understanding the differences between these two dynamics can shed light on the factors that contribute to the success or failure of a relationship.

Advocates: Partners in Support and Empowerment

Couples who embody the advocate dynamic are partners in the truest sense of the word. They prioritize each other's well-being, growth, and happiness. Advocates are characterized by the following traits and behaviors:

• Communication: Advocates maintain open and honest communication. They actively listen to each other's concerns and feelings, fostering an environment of trust and understanding.

• Empowerment: Advocates motivate and inspire each other to pursue their individual goals and dreams. They see their partner's success as their own success.

• Teamwork: Advocates work as a team, sharing responsibilities and supporting each other in various aspects of life, from household chores to career endeavors.

• Conflict Resolution: When conflicts arise, advocates approach them as opportunities for growth and improvement. They seek mutually beneficial solutions and compromise.

• Emotional Support: Advocates provide emotional support during challenging times, offering comfort and encouragement without judgment.

• Growth and Self-Improvement: Advocates encourage personal growth and self-improvement in each other, always striving to be the best versions of themselves for the sake of the relationship.

Adversaries: Struggling Against Each Other

On the other end of the spectrum, some couples find themselves in an adversarial dynamic. In such relationships, partners often feel like they are battling against each other, rather than working together. Adversaries exhibit the following characteristics:

• Communication Breakdown: Adversarial couples may struggle with poor communication, leading to misunderstandings, resentment, and conflict escalation.

• Self-Interest: Each partner tends to prioritize their individual needs and wants over the well-being of the relationship or their partner's happiness.

• Competition: Adversaries may see their relationship as a competition, vying for dominance or control. This can lead to a power struggle that damages the partnership.

• Blame Game: When conflicts arise, adversaries are more likely to assign blame to their partner rather than seeking constructive solutions. This perpetuates a cycle of negativity.

• Emotional Distance: Adversarial couples often struggle with emotional intimacy, leading to feelings of isolation and dissatisfaction.

• Stagnation: The adversarial dynamic can lead to a lack of growth and development in both partners, as they may be too preoccupied with their own needs and desires to support each other.

Transforming Adversaries into Advocates

While the advocate-adversary dynamic may be more of a continuum than a binary choice, couples can make conscious efforts to transform their relationship into a more supportive and harmonious one. Here are some steps that can help:

• Improve Communication: Focus on enhancing communication skills, including active listening and empathy. Seek to understand your partner's perspective.

• Prioritize the Relationship: Make the conscious choice to prioritize the well-being of the relationship as a whole over individual interests and wants.

• Recognize and Discuss Strengths: Verbally acknowledge to one another the strengths and abilities the other person brings to the relationship and your life.

• Collaborative Problem-Solving: When conflicts arise, approach them as a team, seeking solutions that benefit both partners.

• Emotional Connection: Rekindle emotional intimacy through shared experiences, quality time, along with genuine words and acts of affection.

• Encourage Growth: Support each other's personal growth and self-improvement, celebrating achievements together.

The dynamics within a couple's relationship can significantly impact their overall happiness and well-being. Advocates work together, support each other, and strive for a nurturing partnership, while adversaries find themselves in constant opposition, often leading to dissatisfaction and conflict. By recognizing the differences between these dynamics and making conscious efforts to transform an adversarial relationship into an advocacy-driven one, couples can create a more harmonious and fulfilling connection. Ultimately, the choice between being advocates or adversaries lies in the hands of the partners, and it can significantly shape the course of their relationship.

In our Premarital Counseling and Newlywed Coaching programs, we equip couples with the tools and skills to move their relationships to a place of advocacy and harmony.